I want to be comfortable. I want people to be happy. Convenience.
But when I desire only comfort I am really succumbing to fear.
And I am closing my heart to the love and joy that comes alongside pain and sorrow.
Thank you for the sun burning my cheek. For humid days and freezing nights.
That I am here.
And when pain and sorrow fills my heart I will take it to you.
Crying out to you.
I resolve to come to you every day and share my heart.
Telling you what you already know
because you love me and you want me to come to you.
Thank you for family and for celebrating.
I praise you for these amazing gifts.
I'm still mourning Liz.
Crying.
Dreaming about her.
But not as much as I feel I should.
God I don't know if you are protecting me
or if not feeling the reality is just a flaw in me.
It feels like my sorrow is buried deep
and I can't even release it when I try.
I don't understand it.
